The thought of attending an accountability group for sexual matters may be very stressful! This may be the first time you have discussed your sexual problems with anyone. You may be wondering, "What will happen?... How will other people react toward me?"

Every group member asked himself the same thing before his first meeting. 

That is why we have put together this page: to answer the questions you and others have before attending for the first time. 

Our hope is that this meeting will be a first step forward to great changes in your life.

Please read this page, then follow the instructions at the end 
before you attend your first meeting.

The accountability meeting follows a very simple format:

Meetings follow the same format every week.

Your first meeting probably will start a little differently. After the opening prayer, the group leader may ask the other members to share their histories with you. They will tell you how they became involved in their sexual struggles, what brought them to the group for the first time, and any changes they have seen since joining. Depending on the number of men attending, he may ask a couple of them to share their histories briefly, or he may ask each one to share in detail. Afterwards, he will give you the opportunity to share your story, if you would like. If you feel uncomfortable, don't worry about declining and waiting to tell your story another week: no one is forced to share his story or speak at a meeting.

For your first meeting, you should tell the other men the particular areas for which you need accountability in the coming weeks and months. From your second meeting on, your accountability report should have two parts: an account of what has happened sexually since the last meeting, and a forecast of potential sexual struggles in the coming weeks.

As you give an account of the previous week, be complete and to the point. Avoid vague statements like, "I struggled over the weekend." Instead, be specific about the time, your thought patterns, your feelings and actions. As you analyze with others the details of your struggles, you will become more aware of the patterns that surround your sexual behaviors, for example, watching a suggestive television program before going out and renting pornography, or cruising, flirting or setting up close emotional relationships before having an affair. As you become aware of these preludes to your sexual behaviors, you will want to be accountable for keeping away from them also.

Also as you speak, keep these guidelines in mind:

How specific should I be about my sexual experiences?

Be specific, but not so specific that it may tempt someone else. For example, it is good to say, "Every morning on my way to work I drive past a convenience store that sells pornography, and I'm tempted to go in and buy something." It's bad to say, "I'm tempted to go buy pornography at that convenience store at the corner of X and Y streets." With that much information, every other group member is tempted to go out and do the same!

For that reason, do not share graphic words for body parts, do not describe sexual experiences or types of sex acts, and do not share fantasies or names and locations of sex-related businesses. Also, do not speak of words used in Internet searches (even accidentally) that have brought up pornography, nor information on what is available sexually over the Internet.

In your first meetings it is wise to listen a lot and to say little when it comes to giving feedback to others. Each of us, even members with several years of experience in the groups, cannot fully understand another person's heart. While we need to encourage one another, hold one another accountable, challenge one another, and point out failures in each other's lives, we always strive to do these in humility and out of love.

Keep these in mind as you respond to another's accountability report:

What is the prayer time like?

After each person has given his accountability report and received comments, the meeting closes with prayer. Usually a volunteer begins praying aloud for the issues brought up during the meeting, and other group members add their own prayers if they feel led to do so. The group leader closes the prayer, and the meeting ends. Just as in sharing one's personal history, no one is forced to pray aloud during this time.

Our purpose is to encourage and equip men to leave the false intimacy of sexual sin for genuine intimacy with Jesus Christ and others. We desire to see group members not only stop destructive sexual thought patterns and behaviors, but also start relationships which demonstrate genuine love.

No. Men from a number of different beliefs have attended meetings regularly. Anyone is invited to participate, whatever his beliefs about God.

Yes. We do not publicize meeting times and locations. We have chosen meeting places carefully to protect confidentiality. Group members sign a confidentiality form prior to joining, agreeing not to mention any information shared in the group, including the names of group members, outside of the group. While it is impossible for anyone to guarantee 100% confidentiality in all conversations among a group of people, we have done everything reasonable to insure that each member's identity and the information he shares will not be told to others.

Men usually begin attending these meetings because they are unable to control their sexual behaviors. They have invited other men into their lives for accountability, advice and encouragement.

Different group members struggle with different behaviors at varied frequencies, but since all of these behaviors are sexual, they do not condemn one another; they are very encouraging and helpful to one another, hoping to see each other living in freedom from their sexual struggles. They range in age from late teens to early 60's and include men from different races, married, single, and divorced, and from a wide range of economic and educational backgrounds.

No. There is no charge and no collections taken. Full-time workers in this ministry receive their financial support through donations made freely outside of the meetings.

If you or someone you know is interested in contributing to the support of this ministry, you may write a check to Lost and Found Ministries, P.O. Box 991, Watkinsville, Georgia 30677. All donations are tax deductible.

Yes, members of any Lost and Found group are free to attend any of our other meetings.

By all means, encourage friends to join our meetings by first calling our toll-free voicemail/pager number, 1-888-714-8823. We ask that you not bring friends along to a meeting unannounced to protect the confidentiality of other group members.

We will try to have a volunteer group member keep in contact with you, hold you accountable and answer any questions you may have by other means, whether through voicemail, e-mail, phone, or individual face-to-face meetings. We also will try to refer you to other ministries which may hold meetings in your area or individuals near you who are seeking accountability partners.

Yes. In some groups, before the accountability meeting, we offer a guided study of four workbooks which address different aspects of sexual sin and its cure. For wives of men who struggle with sexual sin, we have a limited number of support groups available. We also have an intercessory prayer group that will pray regularly for your anonymous requests.

In addition to these, we are developing retreats, seminars, workbooks and a new website. If some of these resources interest you, ask your group facilitator for more information.

After you have read this page, please print out, read, and sign the confidentiality/informed consent form and turn it in to your group facilitator.

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