How do I minister to someone struggling with sexual sin?
Know that it is possible for you to minister to a member of your congregation dealing with sexual sin; you do not have to pass this person off to an unknown or questionable authority outside of your church. You have the word of God, given to us "that the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works." (2 Timothy 3:17) You have the complete answer right in your hands! The question is, "How do I apply the wisdom God already has put at my disposal?" These suggestions may help:
Be informed: Familiarize yourself with the biblical verses and principles in this Question and Answer site. In the Resources section study Overview. This is a summary of the main principles in our ministry workbook by the same title. These will give you a good biblical foundation from which to build. From there, investigate the other resources and links we have available.
Be committed: Your counselee has probably spent many hours, days and even years developing a heart-based lifestyle of sexual sin. Although it is possible, and we have seen it happen, he probably will not let go of it overnight. Be ready to commit to regular, ongoing discipleship and accountability to see him fully restored to a living, obedient relationship with his Lord.
Be structured: You may want to go through our ministry workbook together, or a workbook like Steve Gallagher's The Walk of Repentance from Pure Life Ministries. Or, you may want to go through our entire discipleship program that we've outlined in the Resources section. We've found that a structured format which is focused on God's word is much more effective than a typical support group format that focuses on the emotions or circumstances of individuals.
Emphasize accountability: Besides clear instruction from the word of God,
one of your most effective means of ministering will be accountability which
follows the directives of Hebrews 3:13: "But exhort one another daily,
while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness
of sin." The more specific and more frequent the exhortation or
accountability, the better. Rather than ask, "So, how are things
going?" ask questions like, "Did you try to visit any pornographic
Internet sites? Did you browse through borderline pornographic material (women
in bikinis, etc.)? Did you type in any sex-related words in a search engine
"just to see what comes up"? Did you stay up working on the computer
after your wife went to sleep?..." Once you determine the patterns of sin
that have developed, you can tailor-make specific accountability questions not
only to protect against the sin itself, but to protect against this person's
placing himself in the path of temptation. Do not limit accountability to
actions; include accountability on fantasies and thought-life also.
Emphasize repentance as an ongoing process: Understand his dealing with sexual sin in terms of a larger process of putting off the old man and putting on the new. Do not become so focused on sexual sin and sexual purity alone to the exclusion of the larger picture of his ongoing sanctification.
Depend on the Holy Spirit: If this individual accepts your ministering to him and commits to following regularly, over time he will bring up questions to which you don't know the answers, you will feel frustrated when he fails or even goes directly against your advice, and at times you will feel worn out by this whole discipling and restoration process. Continually depend on the Holy Spirit to demonstrate His fruit of longsuffering and meekness (see especially Galatians 6:1) through all of your interactions.
 | What percentage of men in my congregation struggle with this sin? |
| How do I preach or teach on this issue in my church? |
| How do I find accountability for myself? |