Forgiveness and trust are two separate issues. Forgiveness can be hard enough... but to trust again? To me, trust after sexual sin is like a china plate that's been broken -- you can glue it back together and even use it again, but there will always be cracks there to remind you of the time it was shattered.
    In December 1999 my wife, Janet, had outpatient surgery. Afterwards we had a couple of hours to spare before we needed to pick up the kids from the babysitter's, so we went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. While we were eating, a young Chinese waitress came up to the table with a big smile and very enthusiastically asked me, "What?! No sweet tea today?" Janet and I looked at her confusedly, then she looked back at us slightly embarrassed and walked away.
    Immediately Janet asked, "How do you know her?" I said, "She was my waitress last time I was here... she must remember me from then." "When was that?" "Three months ago."
    "How often do you come here?" You could hear mistrust entering her voice. "I've been here twice in the last year; the last time was to do a Bible study with one of the group members."
    Now there was mistrust and hurt in her voice. "So why does she know you so well?" After all, she apparently knew I always order sweet tea in restaurants, but this time I ordered hot tea. "I don't know. Maybe she remembers that my friend and I were doing a Bible study. She asked us if we were studying the Bible and seemed interested."
    She gave me that look, the look that comes from having been lied to and betrayed many times seven years earlier, the look which says, "I don't trust a word you are saying."
    Thank God that the waitress came back and spoke to Janet. "Excuse me," she said. "Do you teach English?"
    "Yes," Janet replied. She used to volunteer as an English teacher for internationals at a local church. "I thought I recognized you from somewhere," the waitress said. She used to attend English classes there, and before long she and Janet were talking excitedly about mutual friends, both students and teachers.
    When their conversation started to draw to a close, I interrupted and asked the waitress how she knew me.
    "Oh, there is a man and his wife who come here frequently, and he always gets sweet tea. From the back, I thought you were him. When I saw you and your wife, I realized that I was mistaken. I'm sorry!"
    "No problem!" I said. I was just thanking God for the opportunity to clear this up!
    Later as we left, Janet received a restaurant calendar from her newfound friend. We went and picked up the kids, drove home, and continued with our lives as normal. But I couldn't help but think back sadly at what had just gone on.
    I had repented of my sexual sins years ago. I've been clean for years. I went to counseling for years. I've gone to accountability groups regularly for years. Goodness, I direct a ministry to men who are coming out of sexual sin! But when circumstances came together the wrong way -- an innocent mistake, a waitress in a restaurant mistakes me for someone else -- that doubt comes back, the trust vanishes, the cracks show up again on the china plate. And there is nothing I can do or say to change it!
    That is how devastating my actions were. Janet trusts me immensely more than she once did. She allows me to carry cash and credit cards again; I no longer have to be accountable to her for every dollar I spend; she no longer grows anxious and angry if I'm ten minutes late; I've stayed on trips overnight without her... she can go many months without feeling mistrust. But like cracks in a china plate, I don't think the broken trust I caused will ever go away completely.
    So is there any hope for wives who have been betrayed? YES! There is someone who, like you, has been betrayed. He has been betrayed more often than you and I can count. Jesus Christ was betrayed by Judas, abandoned by the Twelve, spurned by other disciples, apparently forsaken by His Father, and repeatedly betrayed by His bride, the Church. He understands your pain, sorrow and broken trust better than you or I can comprehend, and He will walk with you every step of the way, because He has walked that route many times Himself. Turn to Him, pray to Him, cling to Him -- He will sustain you and reveal within and through you aspects of His character that will not be revealed any other way.
    "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities... Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15a,16)

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