I knew that He could instantly
heal me and I did not understand why He didn't.
Maybe it is
because His way is better than mine.
In March of 1994 I had a very successful career with a government organization in Tennessee. I was married happily to a wonderful woman for thirty-three years with two grown children. I was also a "closet bisexual" who had been promiscuous with many men and women. My wife knew nothing about this dark secret in my life until I was caught one day and lost everything as a result.
I was broken in heart and spirit. What a worthless piece of living flesh I had become. I should have been stoned to death just as I so richly deserved. Life was a living hell (consequences of sin, loss of career, divorce, court, loss of family) until two wonderful Christians invited me to a Bible study called Experiencing God.
The first night in that study they laid hands on me and I accepted Christ Jesus into my heart. For the first time in my life I felt a personal relationship with Him. I had known Him in my mind but never in my heart. I used to play church (I was teaching a Sunday School class when I was caught), and I did all the things that carnal Christians do -- attend church on Sunday and do as I please the rest of the week.
Yes, I was still acting out; but, I had a change taking place in me and gradually my love for Him became stronger than my will to act out. I knew that He could instantly heal me and I did not understand why He didn't. Maybe it is/was because His way is better than mine. It has been a process of discipline, training, and learning to interact with Him in all matters. His timing is best. My way did not work.
I have been living in sexual purity now for approximately ten years. With God's help I am able to resist temptations--and I still have them. I know this sounds silly, but when I am tempted I immediately ask God in prayer to capture the impure thought and I start praising Him in song and prayer. I literally have to focus on Him at all times because I never know when or where the temptation may come. I have become much stronger in dealing with temptation by allowing Him to take over my thoughts. I am seeking a love of Him in my heart that far surpasses any love I have for anything on earth. I want to know Him better.
I am remarried now. My wife is a wonderful Christian who is my best friend and confidante. She fully supports me in this ministry. Most of all I am forgiven and I have Him in my heart.
K. M. A.
A bond-servant for Christ Jesus.